A Few More Before I Reach My Destination

Holding on is becoming harder and harder...

I have made a stupid poem as some sort of a summary of my problems... some sort of a compilation of all my emotions...

Now that I have learned that there is no help for me out there... Now that I realized that in the end I cannot solve my problems... Now that I have accepted that I will never be accepted...

I made a poem... I only planned to put it in here during the times on which suicide is the only reasonable option left for me...And now is the time... After the thought of a thereaphist would report me finally sunk in... I am now lost... completely lost...

Even God, whom for years I've believed will help me, now has abandoned me...Oh dear... Sighs...

Well here is my poem... I know it is ugly but hey my life is ugly anyway...

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My cry

By the_unknown

I cry when I hear laughter.

I know I’m just being bitter.

I cry when I see people together.

These people I want to slaughter.

I cry when I see brotherhood.

Loneliness for years I’ve withstood.

I cry when I see a girl pass by.

I feel that my heart will die.

I cry because no one will know.

The things I’ve done should never show.

I cry for I cannot commit something.

Suicide and the happiness to me it will bring.

I cry to God I’m sorry for being bad.

Peace of mind I never had.

I’m truly sorry for the bad I’ve done to everyone.

Pills, heights, a knife, or a gun?

Nobody even heard my cry.

Now it’s time for me to die, my last goodbye.

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How about that? I think it sums up my problems pretty well... I don't feel like I can last long enough...

Christmas is coming... what better gift to give myself than to end all of my suffering right?

I can only take so much... And to think I can never fully get some help...

I would be lying to myself if I won't tell a doctor about all the things I've done... Its not as serious as Sandusky's but still...

Oh dear... Oh dear... I'm having a really hard time trying to feel composed here...

Sighs...