Life is Equal But it's Unfair.

I know I'm being selfish by wanting her to also like me but anyone who has ever liked someone also wishes that their feelings be reciprocated... Is it too much to ask? While her happiness must always come first I can't help but feel not contented by only being a friend... but it seems that she is already happy with her life and I'm only a friend if indeed I am considered one... if in me a friend she needs then I'll stay that way and hide these wretched feelings of mine... but at the end of the day all I could do is force a smile to say that "hey at least were friends"... She shouldn't have been kind to me in the first place... She shouldn't have made me felt happy... She should have just ignored me from the beginning... Who am I kidding? I have become too emotionally attached that moving on is not an option... Should I stay by her side as a friend, I'm being a fool who exchanges his happiness for other's sake...

Tomorrow's Trigger

Whew as a tough day of training will come to an end... I must face another tough day tomorrow but this time it has nothing to do with the physical but with the mental and the emotional...

I don't need to explain it in detail but to sum it up I know I will be depressed tomorrow because of two things...

Quite funny that I have to choose one or the other for the reason of me being depressed tomorrow haha...

1.) If I see the my trigger I know I will be depressed as shit...

2.) If I don't see my trigger I will surely be depressed as well since I will be missing her...

I just can't get her off my fucking mind!!!

 I'm already physically worn out and having to deal with shit isn't doing any good to my overall health...

Well at least I will get to see one of the school's guidance counselor, I can explain to him the shit I've been feeling...

I've been writing a lot about this loveless emo shit but hey this is the only place where I get to vent it out...

Sighs... All I could do is to sigh... Sighs.... I just can't accept the fact that...

Maybe there is something wrong with me... There must be...

Maybe telling her about my self turned her off... I knew it!!!

The moment I let my guard down and told her what the fucking hell happened to me growing up surely must have scared her off... Fuck life... Nobody would be interested in a victim and "victimizer"...

Seems that no one can accept me for being who I am... Having a dark past and all that shit... I never should have opened up to her... I know I don't have any swagger on but hey this is who I am...

All she does to me is make me feel like a total loser, a total trash, a reject of society...

All because of my stupid past, my stupid experiences... damn fuck!!!

At the end of the day I still am an island...