Was I Happy Today?

I think it was a good day for the most part...

I think I have helped someone, her grandpa is sick so... Anyways, I feel fine for the most part... until I realized that I can't even help myself and here I am being the good Samaritan... I almost got what I thought I wanted but I cannot afford to lose my dignity and break my morals - its one of the only things I got left with me. I just missed something that probably will never happen again...

Got a freudian slip in class and made a fool out of myself but I'm impervious to those laughter... there is always a point where one doesnt care anymore and I have suffered more shameful stuff.

Mood is pretty even now, not really down but it always comes back at the latter part of the day. I do not feel lonely, not that I magically have some friends or so. I don't know, I actually felt happy that I helped someone but I feel pathetic that I can't even help myself, no one around me would even try.

College takes a toll on my mind and add that up with what I'm going through with the past two weeks and I feel totally burned out not by studying but by trying to stay as positive and hopeful as I can. My depression was supposedly gone a few years ago but hey ho its here laughing at my face again. And about it being gone my parents "declared" it since they saw me going to school everyday and not breaking stuff and the likes, however now that its back I don't want anyone and I mean ANYONE to know that I will go back to the doctor. I don't want my relatives to make jokes about it again!

I'm expecting another tough day tomorrow, I'll just see her again and not be able to talk because I have issues that deprives me of happiness...