Road to Recovery

Dear blog...

Its a new year... I felt really lonely on that day... we celebrated it in a mall... Free fireworks are always good... I mean who would want to burn their own money?

We were with our relatives but I felt so lonely... There were many people who looked happy being with their loved ones but I felt different...

Its a new year... I am slowly changing my ways... I know it will be hard but I'm trying my best...

I changed the title of this blog to "Road to Recovery"... I am not contemplating suicide anymore because I have found hope that things will do get better...

A lot of things has happened... most of them for the better... Although I still feel empty inside... I feel more at peace with myself...

I'm still not 100% okay... No one is fully "okay"... everyone has a share of their own problems...

There were many events that tempted me to go back into my cycle of depression but thank God that I have somehow avoided it... I know that there will be endless events that will make me crumble but I know better now...

I feel so tempted to cut again because of some personal reasons... Its a new year and I have lost my "inspiration"...

But the point is no matter how hard things might get for me... No matter how my mind tries to break me... No matter how frequent the devil tries to "trip" me... I will not fall down easily... I will do my best to stay as positive as I can... as strong as I can...

Of course I am doing my best to be a "better" person and I'm not just relying on a promise that things will get better...

I have left my path to suicide... I never gave importance to myself back then... I never saw hope... For the first time in 5 years I feel like tomorrow is a "new day"...

I am on my road to recovery... A road that will be full of obstacles... Change is not easy... There will be a lot of hurdles but the price at the end of the road looks so rewarding that I am willing to "not take the easy way out"...

I cannot promise myself that I will not be depressed... I cannot promise that I will never feel inferior... I cannot promise that I will not feel alone and suicidal... These things will come at some point but I am "equipped" with the right tools to deal with these problems...

Happy New Year they say... I was not happy... But that does not mean I am feeling hopeless... I was sad because I felt lonely... Its only natural... Maybe I'll find happiness at the end of the "road"... or maybe on the way there...

I feel like "Hopeful New Year" is more suited for me...