Day 1

My first diary... is about:

Me seeing the reality that no one would like me. Me waking up in a dream where I thought that I can have someone. I really like her smile. It is really painful to see another person who I think could make me happy just pass by. Hey I don't blame them... who would like me anyway? I can only look at them from afar and be happy that at least I saw a beautiful person.

I gave myself up to 20 years old. When I reach 20 and I still have not found a way to make me likeable, I'll truly push through the last step. Its a plan I made 3 years ago when i was still 15. The best time would be the day before I graduate. People would be shocked, those who don't know me would think that I wasted my life but no it was already null even before I ended it. Of course I'm doing my best to at least gain confidence... I train and study hard but to no avail. I'm now a dean's lister, I did my best to have a fit body but still... I'm not ugly realistically speaking, I also have a fairly good life. I have no vices but why would no one...

God gives us blessings, I'm thankful for what I have but why is love something I can't receive? I feel really lonely and sad. This body and life would have been used properly by a better soul... I would just hurt myself later, I'll make my emotions pile up first before I release it through my blade.